Stepmother gets shut down by 17-year-old stepdaughter after forcing her to go to family therapy to get the teen to admit that she is an adequate replacement for her mother: 'She was never second best [...] because she was never in the running'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jul 10, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

We often tell anyone psyching themselves up to take a leap of faith that "the worst they can say is no." Really, that's not the case, and when someone politely declines to give you an answer to your request, you should probably take that as your answer… When this step-mother insisted on seeing herself as a direct replacement for her 17-year-old stepdaughter's mother, she continually insisted that she was a replacement for the teen's mother. But the answer she wanted to hear wasn't going to magically appear, and instead, she got an answer that was far harsher than simple denial.

Together with the stepdaughter's father, her husband, she organized a family therapy session for her and the teen during which she confessed to the teen that she felt like she was "second best" or a "consolation prize" compared to the teen's mother. She had expected that by simply marrying the teen's father, it would make the two of them closer and sort of grandfather her into a parental role.

She, of course, was expecting some sort of discussion whereby her voicing her feelings would lead to a discussion where the teen would eventually relent and begin to see her more in a motherly role. What she wasn't expecting was for the teen to circumvent discussion altogether by telling her the brutal truth: She wasn't second best because she was never in the running.

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  • 01

    "AITA for telling my stepmother she's not second best/a consolation prize because she's not in the running?"

    My dad and my stepmother got married when I was 9 and I'm 17 now. They have 3 kids together. My mom did when I was 8 but my parents were already divorced and I think my dad was already dating my stepmother at that point. Either that or he/they rushed the relationship because they assumed I would need a new mom because mine d d. It was a crazy af time.
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10527375872
    via Omar Lopez

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 03
    My dad and stepmother decided we needed therapy together because she was struggling and wanted to communicate some stuff to the two of us that she had not before. In therapy she started off talking about how she feels like she's second best or a consolation prize with me. She feels like I see her as less than a parent, less than a mother, and it hurts. She talked about marrying my dad expecting we would be so close and how she believed a
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 04
    newly motherless child would need someone else to fill in. But that the whole time we've known each other she feels like I do nothing but compare her to mom or dismiss her in favor of mom and leave her in second place a lot. She said she wanted to be more important to me than that. She wanted to mom in my eyes. She didn't want to feel like I would gladly toss her aside if my mom came back. I'll say now, in therapy she was called out for that. She was told it was cruel to toss that in my face whe
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 05
    She spoke for several sessions about feeling second best/like the consolation prize and like I don't care for her at all. She brought up how I never hug her or how I correct anyone who mistakes her for my mom. Another thing was the fact I have never said I love you to her, she noticed that and she said many times she waited and waited for me to say it but it never came. She talked about how every mention of my mom hurts her down to her core
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 06
    because she can hear how much I love my mom. She admitted to hating my mom, to wanting to wave a magic wand and have me forget her so she's not coming in second to her always. There were lots more things said too.
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 07
    I was asked to address what she said for several sessions. But I knew it might come across as cruel if I did. So I refused to engage. But my dad kept pressing me on the issue and the counselor was trying to reassure me that I would not be penalized for speaking up. After a lot of pressing and then my stepmother got involved and told me to speak because we needed to work through this and she needed me
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 08
    to acknowledge her feelings and work on us coming together, I was honest. I said she was never second best or a consolation prize because she was never in the running. I never saw her as mom, I never considered her to be a possible new or second mom. I never ever looked at her in that way or wanted her to be that for me. And that she was always competing against my de d mom for nothing.
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 09
    My dad and stepmother were so angry after I said all this. Two weeks later and it was mentioned in therapy but they're still furious with me. AITA?
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 10
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the ahle: I told my stepmother she was never second best/a consolation prize because she was never in the running. I spoke bluntly and did nothing to try and make her feel like I
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 11
    loved her or cared. I already knew she'd be upset and so would my dad if I was too honest. But I went ahead and went with that anyway. She poured her heart out for weeks and she got something very firm back and that might make me TA.
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 12
    Apart-Ad-6518 NTA You were just being honest & that's totally okay. Your Dad needs to accept that & stop pushing. Also him marrying stepmother a year after your mom passed must've been really difficult.
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 13
    I'm not sure how old you are now as the second digit is missing so not sure how long it's been since the loss re being in therapy etc. Tough break though & I'm really sorry. All the best to you.
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 14
    [deleted] NTA. They pushed for an answer, and you gave an honest one. They don't have a right to be angry at you because they didn't like your response. I am a stepmother, and I have no children of my own. My stepdaughter treats me like a friend, a confidente if she wants one, and i help her to navigate situations with a different perspective. However, she has a
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 15
    mother, she doesn't need 2, and I would never try to undermine that. I don't understand these blended families, where the step parent insists that they want equal status as a biological parent (especially where the biological is deceased) and then get upset when the child resents them for it.
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 16
    [deleted] NTA, tell your therapist that they are punishing you. Be honest.
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 17
    CapoExpl... NTA. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. I see this from time to time, step- parents come in and just expect a child to see them as mom or dad and feel like they're being wronged if the child doesn't see them that way. Like they're somehow entitled to it, like the child doesn't get a say. It sounds
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 18
    like she was long overdue for a wakeup call that the expectation she has of what your relationship with her is going to be is not realistic. She doesn't get to decide for you that you will love her and see her as a mother. She can either work with you to form a relationship you are both comfortable with or she can keep doing whatever the f this is and prevent even an amicable step-parent relationship from forming.
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 19
    The icing on the cake is she's concerned you aren't taking her feelings into consideration. When it never once even crossed her mind that maybe how you feel about your own mother and about having a new mother might be something she should take into consideration. Just for the sake of reassurance of what you already know, OP, who you love and how much you love them and in what way, whether it be a friend or a parent (step- or biological) or a romantic partner is entirely and only for you to decid
    via CautiousEnergy9907
  • 20
    GnomesinBlankets So would your stepmom be okay being replaced like that if she were to pass as well? Would she be okay with another woman swooping in and taking over and erasing her memory? Would she be okay with her kids placing all their love somewhere else and forgetting about her? No she wouldn't and it's so unfair to expect that of a stepchild. NTA and I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
    via CautiousEnergy9907

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family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH infant teenagers blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting family pregnant reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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